I've always wondered about fate.

What if something was destined to happen to you and there was nothing you could do to stop it? If 'fate' exists and our lives are meant to go a certain way then why bother taking risks? why bother making an effort if everything was planned out for you?

Sometimes I think we take the 'whatever will be, will be' approach simply because it means not taking responsibility for our lives.

Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to believe I am simply a chess piece in someone's greater scheme and someone's already written and published the script of my life, but it seems hard to believe.

I especially find it hard to believe that people are 'meant' to be together.

Sure people are 'compatible' but perfect for each other in every way? pass me the bucket. The reason this topic came up was that lately (it being holidays and all) I've been watching a lot of sitcoms (thank you Arena). My observation is that in every sitcom there's always the perfect couple that are 'meant' to be together. Sure, all the other people break up, sleep with each others siblings, get other people pregnant, but the 'perfect couple' somehow always prevails and everyone around them exchanges looks of knowing at how 'meant to be together' they are.

Relating this (selfishly) back to my own life. Let's concentrate on the main topic here people of Sparkle and I. Yes, we are unusually compatible and people have gone as far to say we are 'meant' for each other and the 'awesome' couple we would make. It's all well and good to exclaim at how genetically perfect people are for each other, it is quite another for them to actually get together. Casual flirting is not a relationship.

However perfect things are in theory between me and Sparkle the carry on from drawing board to manufacturing has been seriously delayed. In other words going nowhere fast (I never got that saying). Should I persevere when at the moment there has been nothing except great conversation to fuel my fantasies? Sounded dirtier than it actually is....

Whatever this push and pull my apparent 'soulmate' have is simply not on. I'll go on a 'Sparkle Detox Diet' and lose inches from my mental health.

Now if only I could stop thinking about him...

Yo-yos suck.

Dear Blog,

Things get complicated especially when your immune system is compromised. I've been sick for a total of 4 days and I feel like death warmed up, on a stick, over an open fire. I have realised that one of my other posts was about illness...and now i also realise I should be taking more vitamin C.

My relationship with Sparkle (see below) is still confusing me. One day I think I should let it go, move on, go where the wind takes me etc. then the next he's made a surprising effort and I feel the melting feeling again. It's a constant game of tug of war and I'm on the losing end.

He's sweet, awesome, and really funny and we would be kind of awesome together but his attention fluctuates.

I really wonder whether it's all worth it as I watch crappy shows on Nickelodeon, trying to stem the mucus running out of my nose. I really don't know if maybe I'm looking into this too much and me and him can really only exist casually, or if I seriously talk about him way too much...but this whole week of staying at home has really given me a LOT of time to mull things over.

It's really an indication of my intelligence that I've had four whole days to think about this situation and still haven't come up with a solution. Wow, I'm a regular Einstein.

Apart from that my illness has pretty much cleared up and I'm coming back to school tomorrow which should cure my craziness at being locked up in the house all week. On the downside I come to school facing a mountain of homework that in watching tv all the time I haven't completed.

Exciting news: Tomorrow our school finds out whether who got school captain, arts captain, debating captain etc. I actually have bitten my fingernails down to the cuticles in anticipation, I really REALLY want arts captain...well more than private health care. which is a LOT.

anyways tissues and yo-yos. both my enemies of the day.